HELLOYOU

'cos i want it all,
or nothing at all.

i really wish i was born a long long time ago. in the victorian era or something. where there was really a beautiful and an ugly. now, beauty is defined as thick make up, eye liner, push up bras, and most prob aft plastic surgery or some enhacement. nowadays, everyone's like, "oh, she's so pretty!" but no one agrees sometimes 'cos what's pretty to her and them? the word beautiful should just be taken of the dictionary if everyone wants everyone else to think EVERY GIRL is beautiful. then what's the use off having the word beautiful. it's just like saying everyone's human. what's so special about that. makes me really gay and sick. but then again, what can i do.

i rmbr how running used to be my life. in P5 or something? yeah, i won individual champ, but that was then. and now gravity's specifcally acting on me. the list of rejects -

• ballet (since i was K2? stopped at P6)
• swimming (stopped at bronze)
• ice skating (stopped after 3/4 a year or so)
• running (started training at P4, quit at P6 for netball)
• netball.

netball's not really over. but come to think of it, yeah, it's kinda over? .. i'm not really concerned of the fact that we have no coach, cos regardless of whether we have a coach or not, i still suck? ming's like telling me how she wants to join chess .. it's not as if she ever will. it's kinda sending the message v clear that i really suck. but then again, it's not as if i can do anything about that.

i thought i could just excel in studies. but everything's just going down. i'm only getting high for things that aren't graded and small lil's things upon 5. like, math pledge. how fished up can i be. it's another one of these days where i realise i'm good for nothing. but then again, God put me into this world not for me to excel in something. but yeah right, as if i can even evangelise, or have a shocking testimony. everyday i think this day sucks, and the next day it gets worse, so then i'm so grateful for the day b4, and then the next day sucks even more. so my days are practically just all dropping lower and lower? i can't rmbr the first day i even said "today sucked". cos that was a long time ago, and when i think about it, did it really suck that much? come to think of it, how much deeper can i fall? oh well, it's not as if i can turn back time.

my friends aren't making it better either. sometimes i think the only thing they can do is pretend not to see. i still thank God for these friends 'cos without them, i'm somewhat nothing :) i have no life outside school so what's the point of making the effort to make friends outside or school.

when i think i have no life and nothing to look forward to. i think of the people in africa searching for food in the dumps. yeah, that's really how low i can get. and right now, i'm feeling terribly sorry for myself which is a total waste of time.

but i still thank God, and I love him and love him. the end, Amen.

i am going to write pretty tmonials now and it'll be as if nothing's wrong. 'cos really, what's wrong? nothing's wrong :) i don't see the point in mourning 'cos no one would f-ing care anyway.

posted by helloyou @ 7:53 PM